So Iona tried to get back into contact. She text my mum saying 'This may be a bit too much to ask, but could you put me in contact with Millie. I realise how hideous we all acted'. So I decided to give her a chance... hear her out. So I contacted her on Yahoo.
This is what I said:
This is so hard for me, actually talking to you after so long of thinking I'm better off without you and the others. Thing is I wanna forgive all and be friends with you again so bad, but truth be told I don't know if I can bring myself to be hurt so much again. The friendship we had was so bloody amazing, I lay in bed when I can't sleep most nights thinking of last summer and being in Charli's bedroom and getting ready for the Murder Mystery - dying your hair blue then grey. I look back on all the pictures regularly... but each picture brings the scars back to fruition as well as the happiness. I guess the issue is trust, and if you all could badmouth me so much on that facebook comment branch, then what did you say about me with each other? Friends are supposed to be there for each other ALL the time, and friends are supposed to be supportive and happy for other friends. Niall doesn't want me to be even writing this - with good intentions and plenty of reasons - but I figured no harm has really ever come from a few words. Ha.. lie of the century. I don't know if I can put myself in such a - now apparent - vulnerable position again. I don't know if I can ever really trust any friends as much as I trusted you guys. I don't know if what happened will ever happen again.... insert Iona's answer here.
So many times I've thought about getting back in contact with you again, but then I remember all the hurtful words and I stop myself. Maybe we should give it a shot - just me and you. NOT Thom and definitely not Tess. Not sure about Charli yet... but just you for now. Lets see what happens.
And then two days later she replied:
i'd love that. After we fell out i had a massive breakdown it was our fault, and i deserved it. I never wanted to hurt you :/ i'm sorting my life out at the minute and i'm not a bitch like i used to be, but i'm still nonie (: xx
So I replied:
Maybe we can give it a go then. I've changed an awful lot too. I'm much more confident with myself and happy with who I am and where I am. I've stopped being so dependent on people and I've decided to be a kid, not a grown up, because I realise one reason why you lot got all wound up was because I was being all Mumsy and kinda controlling, for which I apologise. It was just because I cared so much. When me and Niall nearly fell out bigtime because of it I realised I needed to take a step back and take it easy. :)
She didn't reply for a while, so I sent her one of my msn addresses (one I don't use much) and we got talking. (This was earlier today) To begin with we treated it like back when we first met over msn, via Charli. We got on alright, not much awkwardness. Reintroduced ourselves, 'Hey, I'm Millie. I'm sixteen and I'm a drama freak. I follow the Olympian religion and love Percy Jackson' and that worked great. But then we broke for tea and when we both came back we got onto the subject of how Thom, Tess and Charli changed and evolved (or devolved) over the past months. Thom is still a diva and has now lured Iona into the mirror trap he once encased me into. I was warning her about what he's capable of, but her replies were in his defence. I was saddened because I remember when I was once like that. Then we got onto the subject of Niall and I realised I'm not strong enough to get sucked into her world again. Immediately when she started talking about herself trying to 'be less depressive' I felt my chest begin to tighten once more and my happiness flowing away.
So I'm throwing in the towel, for good this time. I'm sorry, but peace pacts are obviously not how I play in this war ... learnt from the Goddess Athena.
So this is the pawn signing out once and for all from this chess board. Thom (King) is impossible to put into check whilst his queen (Iona) is by his side. He manipulates her with sweet words - words that instead of enchant, ensnare and pull her down, down, down. Tess and Charli, the rook and knight, will never give up their posts, but are as disposable as tonights pizza wrapping.
So long black and white chess board, hello colourful world.
Hey, I just hatched an idea for a short story.
Toodle oo, back to happy me.
Pawn to 3-dom. ;)
(Title: Snuff by Slipknot)
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