"Why Shoulder Off The Crowd? Why Be The Only One..."

Today at Youth Theatre I was forced to endure pain as Thom and Tess hugged right in front of my eyes. I very nearly broke down crying there and then because I remember when Thom would rush in and hug me... but then I think - was I ever really that special to him? I was a shoulder for him to cry on, but never was he a shoulder for me to cry on - not truly. I was someone who made him look good, but never someone to make him feel good about. Once or twice did we ever truly have a heart to heart discussion, and this was back at the newborn friendship stage. He said once that he felt he could trust me more than anybody else in the entire world, and indeed he told me things he'd never told anybody else. It could have been a line, what he said then, but something in his eyes said otherwise. But then again, he is an actor. And he is also a mirror. You look at him and see what you want to see. You talk to him and hear what you want to hear. Not once does the mirror crack, only at the end and it shatters into one thousand tiny pieces. If he is truly that but a mirror, then I must endure 7 years bad luck, or look upon him a mere seven times before he is gone for good. I've currently seen him twice, and once more next week - so after that four more times and he's gone.
If you asked me four weeks ago if I could live without Thom, I would have said 'No' in a heartbeat, because he had me under his spell. But I've always had a knack for breaking curses and enchantments. Sure, his hypnotism worked for a few months, but everything must come to an end.
Since Tess came on the scene I've slowly come to feel more and more seperate from he I called 'Best Friend'. He would spend time with more people and never time with me. He would tell Tess things that he would not tell me.... like when he got a boyfriend... I didn't find out for weeks afterwards, when I heard it from Tess.
And don't get me started on Tess... I was never really close to her, not like I had been with Thom... but we got on and had a good laugh. I made the mistake of telling her things that I perhaps shouldn't have, things that basically hold life and death for a certain aspect of my life, and then she betrayed me with them. She always let me down - once left me sitting in Keswick for an hour waiting for her to get her arse out of bed... I don't know why - now looking back - I put up with it. But then, people have always been able to walk all over me. My song 'BeLIEve'... linked here: http://anarchyangel94.deviantart.com/art/BeLIEve-148546302 is about her... ironically it was the first song written in the book Thom got me for Christmas.
Just tonight, while watching Thom and Tess, I looked back on all the good times I've had with Thom and I nearly had to run out of the room in tears. He made me feel so special, so loved - like I belonged somewhere finally. And then - when I trusted him - he led me to the slaughter. He was almost like his beloved vampires in that way ... he looks perfect, acts perfect and speaks perfect; he lures you in, gets you believing - then kills you in one bite.
I just feel so sorry for all of his ex's who he screwed over, no wonder they left him, and all the friends and lovers he will have in the future. I give him three years - and then he'll realise what he could have had.

"You know you're nothing in my life, you're just a joke 'til the end." She Gets Around - Elliot Minor

"He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes." ~ Buddha ~

(Blog Title: All Along by Elliot Minor, which is my 'theme song'.. the song that best describes me)